A Wind in the Door

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 22:13:53 GMT

Has Twitter officially replaced LJ?

Wed, 27 May 2009 20:59:25 GMT

Just finished reading The Invisible Circus by Jennifer Egan. Am fully, fully heartbroken. I don't think I can accomplish much for the rest of the day.

What a beautiful novel.

Mother learns to gchat! (kinda)

Mon, 04 May 2009 01:47:10 GMT

Susan: Jilly, Just a short e-note to tell you that Dada and I enjoyed the performances and thought you did a splendid job. BRAVO

PS: Dada was a typo, I meant Dada

Dad, just Dad

me: I know, I figured

thank you

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:20:02 GMT

I have to turn down an Atrium temping job because I'm just too busy with this play.

FUCK.

Apparently Wise at 24

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:36:14 GMT

I just noticed that my first wisdom tooth is breaking skin. It's kinda painful but most of all, it's coming in on a weird angle, which makes me feel like it probably has to get pulled, and I don't have insurance. Ugh.

For now I guess all I can do is suck on ice cubes.

The Arriving and Departing of the Train (Ongoing Since 1932)

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 15:23:30 GMT

Such a simple idea, but looks so much fun. Wish I could've been there.

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 02:36:07 GMT

I can't decide if this is a blessing or a curse, but I realized over the weekend that I can only be romantically attracted to someone who LOVES New York City.

Their ambivalence or negative feelings towards the city can only be a major turn off.

Realization

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:47:24 GMT

I know it's easier said than done, but I need to refocus my energy.

I've been following the gossipgirltv community on LJ, and it's strangely inspiring. I forgot about the kind of enthusiasm and obsession that follows so naturally when you love something when you're in middle school and high school.

And some of the entries are actually pretty funny!

If I put HALF the energy into really interesting projects that the mod does maintaining a gossip girl LJ community, I could do something really cool with my life!

Maybe 2009 is really the year to chill on the drinking. Honestly, how long can I pretend to be a carefree college student? Growing up (and, at the same time, strangely regressing back to when I didn't get wasted several times a week) might not be so terrible.

But, as I said, easier said than done. We'll see how it goes.

Really Simple....Shit

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 06:07:20 GMT

So, I've never bothered making an RSS feed for myself. I never really cared, but now I'm realizing there are a few things that I'd really like in an automatic feed.

So, question for those more technologically advanced than me (in other words, all of you):

Is there a way to hand-pick what shows up on your feed? For example, only receive blog posts with a certain tag, instead of an entire blog?

I would really like to receive certain columns (most importantly, the dance section of the village voice and the modern love column in the new york times). When I clicked on the RSS icon on the village voice website, it gave me the links for the ENTIRE site (yikes!) and on the NYT site, it was a feed for all of the Style section (I do like the style section, but I also really don't need regular updates on debutante engagements).

Bonus question: I'm assuming it's fairly easy to create separate feeds? I think I'd like a dance-only feed and a fun articles feed.

I really am sort of embarrassed to post this....I feel like such an old person! Those crazy internets!

New Year's Resolution

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 00:01:17 GMT

- finish Season 2 of The Wire

That is all.

A glimpse of fame

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 20:14:34 GMT

www.theburg.tv/Episodes/44/Depression/

I certainly wouldn't say this is the Burg's best work, but it's the only one featuring Rachel, me, and sis.

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 01:48:46 GMT

So Christmas was fine and all this year. I got lots of fun toys.

But being around family members brings up my biggest cross-generational pet peeve, and I was wondering if this drove anyone else as crazy as it does me.

As someone who grew up with many of the environmental factors that make developing an eating disorder ripe (being white, upper middle class, having nutso parents, taking ballet) there were a lot of anti-ED precautions drilled into my head by nervous adults. A lot of those things stuck with me (for example, I don't own a scale and usually only weigh myself if I'm at the doctor's office).

One thing that I took to heart and genuinely agree with is that you should never, ever, comment on someone's current weight. You don't know how sensitive a person is about their weight and in which way. Even a "compliment" usually sounds backhanded: "you lost weight! you look good!" can easily be interpreted that it's missing "...and believe me, you looked like a real heifer before."

The main reason I really agree with this sentiment is that I think that weight is no one's business except for the body it belongs to. My (or anyone else's) weight is not and should not be up for discussion. Despite the fact that my body visible, it is still something I consider private.

So yes, mother, father, grandfather, grandfather's wife (the worst offender) I AM uncomfortable when you ask me if I've lost weight. I know that old people love to talk about that shit with each other, but I find it impolite and in horrible taste when you bring it up. How many times for how many years do I have to say, "I don't know, can we please drop it?" Get with the fucking times and stop being so rude. I don't bring up your fat asses into conversation, so stop talking about mine (despite how adorable it is).

Stolen from a facebook friend

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 21:26:05 GMT

I think the most amazing thing about this video is that by virtue of being old and in black and white it feels completely whimsical. It's thrilling without being scary. If we saw something like this in "real life," for example, the guy who climbed up the NYTimes building- we'd call him a reckless idiot. But in this video, the guy's smile is so infectious that I can't help but cheer him on.

If I were a boy...

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:25:14 GMT

About a month and a half ago, I decided to make a regular habit out of doing push-ups. I've always been pretty physically fit from the solar plexus down, and it seemed like a good idea to be able to even things out. Also, I figured it'd be cool to be able to lift things.

I'm really pleasantly surprised how quickly this took hold. Unless I really, really, oversleep, I now stretch and do push-ups every day. I'm also really pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoy it and look forward to it.

Obviously, the fact that it's getting gradually easier and I can do more and more every morning is quite satisfying. I was expecting that.

What I wasn't expecting is that having a strong(er) upper body is making me feel weirdly aggressive, on a psychological level. For the first time in my life, when someone pisses me off, I kind of want to punch them in the face. Not that I would ever act on it, but I've never had the IMPULSE before now. And having strong(er) arms is suddenly giving me this really strange feeling of confidence that I haven't experienced before. Suddenly talking to someone who makes me feel uncomfortable/inferior/whatever is completely different now, now that I feel like I could tackle them to the ground if I really wanted to. This is in direct opposition to my laid back, pacifist (and, ok, often just passive) nature, and my new-found aggression makes me kind of uncomfortable. It's so funny that, as I mentioned, I've always been a pretty fit person and after 19 years of dance classes, have pretty insanely strong legs. And yet I feel like a different person with a new strong upper body.

I think the hardest thing to get used to is that I've never felt so.....masculine.

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 20:05:13 GMT

Are you asking what I do, or what I do?
'Cause if it's what I do, I'm a sculptor
But if it's what I do, I work at Starbucks. *

I sort of hate meeting people these days. Mostly because "what do you do?" is inevitably the first question. No other question makes me want to scream and run away and forces me to confront how much I hate my job.

I rarely miss college, but I seriously long for the days of, "what's your major?"

Even when someone else was answering, that question could almost always start a conversation for me. But when I ask someone, "so what do YOU do?" and they respond with "I'm an analyst for company X" or something else just as bland, all I can usually come up with in response is, "that's cool....do you like it?" which is usally met with a nod and a shrug.

blah blah blah.

Everyone knows that I'm a big believer in the power of "no" (suck it jim carrey) and I'm wondering if there's a such a thing as the power of kidding yourself. I wonder if, instead of sighing, folding my arms, and looking away in the distance while mumbling, "I work in the fashion industry," I pretended to like it. Or that it's not something that I just fell into, but something I think of as a real career move for a real career. It's not like a stranger I met will notice or care.

It's not lying, really....

I think I'll try it out for awhile and get back to you.

*Courtesy of the Burg

On the bright side...

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 22:14:45 GMT

So, I know that the economy sucking well, sucks, but am I the only one who has enjoyed some of the advantages?

During my last grocery shopping trip, I definitely noticed a mark-down on a bunch of items, and my total was definitely less than I thought it would be.

The dance school I go to just lowered class prices by 1.50!

I'm still at the same shitty job I had a year ago with laughably low pay, so right now this whole mess is kinda working out for me. I mean, who knows what my situation will be even after Christmas....I could very likely be out on my ass....but for right now, same income + lowered prices = happy jill.

Oops

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 19:02:26 GMT

So, when I asked my mother if I could borrow her completely real, vintage fur coat for Halloween, her only response was, "I'm not sure how I feel about that."

So it disappeared from her closet a couple days later.

After wearing it for the past two nights in a row, I spilled a teensy (but still totally noticeable) amount of alcohol right on the front, and one of the eyes (from a hook and eye clasp) fell off.

I really was trying so hard to be careful with it.

I haven't felt so sheepish since I ruined my mom's vintage skating outfit for Skipper.

exercising in riverhead, take 1

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 01:37:59 GMT

Today I took a class at the local yoga studio. I guess it's sort of amazing that there is indeed a "local yoga studio" in Riverhead: there certainly wasn't one when I was growing up.

The first sign that this was not going to be the kind of class that I'm used to came when the teacher introduced a "Sanskrit chant" that she summed up as, "basically, this means that God is all around us." Uhm...excuse me? She practically gospel sang this mantra and looked like she was at a christian rock concert.

After I got through that, she put on music for the entire length of class (which kind of bugs me, regardless of what kind of music). While the words certainly sounded like Sanskrit, the man saying them had an American country singer accent and the music was way more guitar than sitar. When I listened closely I realized that in between the Sanskrit he said kept singing something like, "...in the presence of the Lord." At this point I was tempted to smack my palm to my forehead in the middle of my downward dog. After than section finished the music was cello and piano with BIRDS CHIRPING. How cheesy!

While I know that any yoga that I do in the US is going to be somewhat of an Americanized version, I just found this so distracting and almost kind of silly. I can just picture the cover of the CD: Christian Yoga! How to love Jesus and find Nirvana simultaneously.

Other than that, the other striking difference between this class and what I'm used to in New York was the level. In the city I would never take an intermediate level class- I'm just not that good. In an intermediate level class in Riverhead, however, I was a freakin superstar. In a class made up of soccer moms and a teenage boy, I was certainly the only one throwing my legs over my head. I usually consider myself a yoga novice, and at one point in the class the teacher said to the teenage boy, "if you continue with yoga one day you could look like that" and pointed to me.

So while the class was better than nothing, I don't think it was really worth the money. I might try going to the local gym for a workout, but ugh...I hate going to the gym.

In short: shit man, I need to get back to Brooklyn.

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:40:35 GMT

So, being in Riverhead is definitely not as terrible as I had feared. I've spend the past couple of days just unpacking, getting rid of shit (I have 3 full bags destined for the Salvation Army), and making my bedroom a livable space. I must say, it's looking pretty decent.

One thing that hasn't gone so well is my goal of not drinking while at home. Granted, I've kept to this goal perfectly, but I quickly realized that I'm just replacing alcohol with junk food. Ugh. Can I simply exist without a vice? The Magic Hat, Jameson and PBR of my previous life is just replaced with Godiva, Hershey and Nestle. Both so delicious, both make me feel so disgusting afterwards. Also, chocolate has just felt like a pretty lame substitute....I think I'd rather just be drinking a beer.

However, I'm hoping that my initial goal of just settling in, while important, was sort of boring, which made me feel sort of "blah" and therefore craving some kind vice. My next stop is a radical increase in physical activity, which is the plan for next week. I'm hoping that will seriously decrease a desire for either alcohol or chocolate. I'll let you know how that goes.

Also, I'm coming into the city tomorrow, so watch out. I haven't had anything to drink in almost a week, so I have a lot of lost partying to make up for. Call me and I'll let you know the plan for the night!

Like a fool tryin' to choose between two stools

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 05:01:46 GMT

So, it looks like I'm moving to Riverhead for a time indeterminate, possibly measured in months. Starting this Monday.

Consider it a new trend: Plenty of people summer on the North Fork, but how many people Autumn on the North Fork? You can thank me when you see it on Gossip Girl next season.

Despite its relative proximity, I don't think I'll be spending all that much time in the city before I officially move back. At least that's the plan. We'll see.

During this time I might even leave the country. Again, we'll see.

And if anyone has a strong desire to go apple picking, pumpkin picking, country fairing, or any other fall small town activity that would make Barney Stinson cringe....well, you all have my number.

the worst

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:13:11 GMT

I hate feeling guilty for being legitimately upset.

(not intentionally cryptic, I just don't feel like going into it right now).

Ahhh! boys!

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 05:57:47 GMT

So, as some of you know, I just spent the better part of my September as the wardrobe supervisor for an off-off broadway play. Despite cutting into basically all of my free/social time, I really kind of enjoyed myself and I loooved all of the people in the show (except for one creepy guy....but hey, there's one in every show).

The director had always been fairly cordial to me.....he was certainly nice, but every time we talked I always thought that he was either not that interested in whatever i was saying or more or less lecturing me on theater.

All of a sudden, tonight at the cast party, he basically would not let me leave. I felt like i was in the process of leaving for over two hours, in which he was consistently handing me drinks and saying, "Noooo....stay for one more!" And engaging me in conversation with more energy than all of his interactions with me for the entire 3 week run of the show. He finally walked me to the closest L stop (which was totally out of the way of his place on the upper west side) and pretty much made me have a beer with him at a bar around the corner, just the two of us. Afterwards, when he hugged me outside of the entrance to the L stop, he definitely gave me a I-want-to-kiss-you-if-you're-interested look, and I was so caught off guard that all I could manage was a handshake and a wink. And then we parted ways.

While I could definitely use a makeout in my life, I couldn't help but feel like I played the situation really well. I was never super attracted to the guy in the first place (even though he's not bad looking or anything); and maybe it sounds awful and calculating, but it feels like a good career move to have not made out with him. He is a talented and promising director, and I feel like I just increased my chances of working with him again by NOT taking the plunge.

Maybe I'm a terrible tease...but I think I'm enoying the idea of accidentally earing the affection of this really smart and cool and interesting director and then making the right decision to go home alone than any enjoyment I'd get out of some drunken makeout anyway.

!EDIT!: So yesterday I was trying to think why I was so unsettled by this to the point where I was driven to post an LJ entry about it as soon as I got home. I mean, it's not like it's the first time a guy I wasn't that into hit on me, and I don't post every time that happens. I thought it was because the director was basically my boss for the past 3 weeks....but then it hit me. If you add 20 years to the director and then stand back and squint, he looks just like my high school latin teacher. No one wants to make out with their high school latin teacher. I mean....gross.

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 04:39:35 GMT

Today I was walking up Havemeyer St and I saw some elderly neighborhood guy sitting next to a table to trinkets he was selling. He had a scrawled sign hanging up on a street pole next to him that said,

"I'm a Republican.
I am a decorated war veteran.
I'm voting for Obama and
I think you should too."

Maybe it's silly, but I found it really touching.

When you know the notes to sing, you can sing most anything!

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 04:11:56 GMT

So, um...did you know that The Sound of Music is kind of totally awesome?

Tonight Katherine and I went to see "Fraulein Maria," a loving dance tribute to the Sound of Music. Completely non-musical theater choreography to the classic songs, without any of the somewhat clunky narrative. It was so wonderful in general and fabulously post-ironic. It was the perfect balance of reverence and irreverence.

This might sound ridiculous, but this show made me realize how great every single song from that show is. Granted, it's impossible to listen to them without lovely feelings of nostalgia, but I really think I enjoyed them on an objective level. It's actually kind of amazing to have that kind of collection of songs that are ALL so catchy and memorable and fun. There's a reason those songs are so saturated in popular culture....sure, they're kind of silly, but silly and good.

Come on....you know you love it.

I'm really glad that I've been on a really good seeing performance kick...it's too bad I have to wait until October for this.

Weird or not so weird?

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:42:08 GMT

So, I'm curious....has anyone ever had a dramatic decrease in appetite for a period of several months?

For most of the summer I just haven't been hungry. I mean, I've been eating, of course, but much less than usual. I think I've been averaging 2 small meals a day, and maybe a snack here or there. Lately I can barely finish a whole bagel. When there's an office party and someone's trying to give me ice cream or cake, i just shrug and go back to work.

This has seriously never happened to me before. Sure, I've had a loss of appetite while being sick or something, but it's only lasted a couple of days. I can't really think of anything that could have possibly triggered it, other than the heat. But this certainly doesn't happen to me every summer.

It's impossible not to have mixed feelings about it- on one hand it feels kind of weird, on the other I kind of love it. I feel so much lighter. I weighed myself when I went home and I haven't weighed so little since 11th grade. While I wasn't actively trying to lose weight in any way, I can't help but feel hotter. I really feel much healthier at this weight.

But is it actually healthier? I'm starting to get nervous that the next time I go to the doctor they'll say, "surprise! you have diabetes," or something like that.